The Cabinet Review, pt 5

Thursday, December 21, 2006 | 1 comments »

We're getting all excited and can't wait until tomorrow, so here's the final installment.

The 'Monster was thrilled to receive the following Out of Office reply from Carlos Tenreiro (Cabinet of Neelie Kroes) when he was emailed to be told of his nomination:

Dear Madam, dear Sir,

My beloved master decided not to spend too much time in Brussels around Christmas, and took a few days off. As you may have guessed he will probably not answer your message before 3rd January.

Until then, I will also do my best to refrain from working.

Best regards,

Out of Office Assistant for Carlos Tenreiro

Let the games begin!
Benita Ferrero-Waldner

Calls them: Office.
Includes: No stagiaires or drivers.
Layout/Design: Pretty good if functional

Bloggin' Benita has a nice, but heavily photoshopped photo of herself on the left but the first thing I noticed was Patrick Child's photo loading up. Now I did find it a bit startling. It's a jolly enough photo but he's got that kid in a sweetshop look about him.

A second later I realised why. BB certainly knows about totty and there's some lovely ladies in her office. One is spoilt for choice, even Judith, who handed in a passport photo looks mighty fine. Vincent also handed in a passport photo as he probably couldn't contain his joy at actually being paid to spend time with these ladies. I note he's got responsibility for 'Horizontal Development Policy' which may, or may not include horizontal jogging.

Top Totty: Eva Rodriguez Saez and Deirdre Abma.
Stud-U-Like: Richard Kuehnel.

Charlie McCreevy

Calls them: Cabinet.
Includes: Cabinet members only - press spokesperson is on another page.
Layout/Design: Dull, functional, corporate with strange curve on the photos.

None of the little people here which greatly affects the hotness ratio. He's hiding his babes under a bushel somewhere.

Top Totty: Claire Bury - on a coin toss.
Stud-U-Like: Shane Sutherland and his come to bed eyes.

Vladimír Špidla

Calls them: My Team.
Includes: Cabinet and spokeswoman only.
Layout/Design: Solid layout, clear design.

As we saw earlier, leaving out the secretaries and stagiaires can drastically reduce the amount of eye candy, but Vlad's brief covers, ahem, 'social affairs' and one suspects that he's on top of that brief if nothing else. There is a lot of skirt here and picking the winner was a three way fight (and wouldn't we all just love a video of that).

Top Totty: Lenka Deylova (wasn't she a character in an Austin Powers film?) wins over Magdalena Frouzova and Isabel Perez-Minayo Barroso.
Stud-U-Like: Handsome slaphead Max Uebe edges out Jan Jařab, the fitfh member of ABBA.

Peter Mandelson

Calls them: Cabinet.
Includes: Everyone.
Layout/Design: Horrible, bland, dull with stupid and pointless graphics.

Topped off by a blue rinsed photo of Mandy nervously fiddling with his pen and a cheesy grin. The page is a washed out and faded blue, looking like a bad conference handout. Below is a group photo, once again cropped at the commissioner's genitals. Interestingly he appears to be standing next to a Cherie Blair lookalike, which must be unnerving for him.

Strangely the photos of the cabinet have a sub-NATO graphic added to the left and the humble secretaries are left unadorned. The photos have been put through a blue filter (presumably to reflect Mandy's political instincts), the cabinet have it heavily swashed all over them, the minions less so.

Top Totty: Catherine Wendt and Maria-Carmen Garcia Garcia, who appear to be either the same person or twins.
Stud-U-Like: Peter Hill, who may even be human.

Andris Piebalgs

Calls them: My team.
Includes: Everyone.
Layout/Design: clear, functional, teutonic.

Starts off with a group photo that is big enough to recognise most of the team. The photos show the dangers of going round the office ater a staff party as they are all rather unflattering. Many are dark and gloomy and the drivers appear to live their lives in complete darkness.

Top Totty: Ms. Marie-Laurence Buisson.
Stud-U-Like: No contest, it's Mr. Filippo Gruttadauria.


That's all folks! The 'Monsters off to the cold north-east for Christmas. If it's snowing, you might get to read something. Subscribe in the left column to be updated regularly. As always, if you have different choices, let us know. We'll try and organise a wet t-shirt competition in the new year.


  1. MKWM // 10:41 PM  

    So the final installment came too quickly, but I will certainly not hold it against you, it was my pleasure. All excited indeed as the fun can go on right away.

    BB: heavily photoshopped as Brigitte Bardot would have been. Take Chistina and Niamh, keep Deirdre for the nasty stuff. I like to dip a ginger biscuit in my cup of tea, so my 12 points go to Vincent - this could be his badge pic.

    McC: Martin is the one who has come to bed eyes, not Shane (he's pretty cute though)

    VS: déjà vu? oh yes, Miss Commission Cabinet Beauty Constest. Here we go again, Lenka through and through.
    The stud here is VS himself, first runner-up as Martin's eyes won me over.

    PM: Makes us feel blue... Catherine, Miranda & Margaret. At least Peter Power has an inspiring surname, but that's nearly all there is to him; no real sex appeal at Mandy's.

    AP: Sylvie & Marie-Laurence. No contest, Bonifacio is the perfect match for Filippo, I'd rather go for Christopher.

    **********************THE END**********************

    A wet T-shirt competition in sight? So men would have to be topless, am I right?

    It is indeed the Season to refrain from working & blogging for a while, many thanks for the entertainment, 'Monster, et au plaisir.