IT'S A MERKEL!
Europe's leaders are "onside" with Britain's EU reform plans, which include allowing Britons to do a poo in the EU's hats. That's according to Cameron himself, following a series of meetings with fellow EU leaders.
"It's great to see that there's a real momentum for change, the kind of changes that we're after" Cameron said today.
|"Hmm. Might need some more, Janusz. I'm quite full."|
Many have pushed back at his calls to be allowed to poo in the EU's hats.
But Cameron insisted that the need for the country to be allowed to do that was an "intrinsic" part of the package.
"The British people have concerns that EU migrants can come here to live and work and pay taxes, while we cannot poo in hats abroad in Europe. I must listen to those concerns, and so must our European partners."
"The time is right for a serious rethink," Cameron continued. "And that must include Britain's right to ensure we are allowed to do a poo in the hats of our good friends and neighbours."
Someone didn't get the "Big on Big Things" memo, as MEPs call for a 'European Cravat Day'
Must have been a quiet May this year. Just the burgeoning migrant crisis to deal with, a conflict minerals law to sign off on, loans to Ukraine, and an Emissions Trading System to reform.
So plenty of time for the European Parliament to think up a new Thing-That-Hasn't-Been-Europeanised-Yet.
And they came up with....
That's right, a European Parliament document from May now made public "calls on the Commission to establish a European Cravat Day."
Europe, it explains, "is the birthplace of the cravat", and the tie has in time "become an indispensable item of clothing, gradually winning over Europe and the whole world."
|Nnnnnno. Just.... No.|
And as each EU presidency traditionally unveils its own tie, the accessory "is even considered a symbol of the EU," they say.
Establishing an EU Day of the Tie will contribute to "maintaining and strengthening interpersonal links between Europeans, as well as their links with the rest of the world."
One can only postulate that this particular group of MEPs may have been wearing theirs a little too tightly...
(And that the current Greek government will be unlikely to embrace the initiative...)
(& *Hat-Tip* to anonymous, who sent through the link to the document...)
A mucky blog hawking "naughty sex" and "adult chat sites" has been discovered among the 'useful links' listed on a European Commission website.
A keen-eyed reader - who wished to remain a 'cool anonymous source' (*hat-tip*) - spotted the link while perusing the EU's foreign-aid programs.
Seeking more information about the "Al-Invest" initiative to support SMEs in Latin America (ours is not to reason why), the individual clicked on what appeared to be the appropriate link.
But up popped a website (NB. LINK NSFW) with a URL citing "hookers want women horney member" and a blog entry under the curious headline "Married woman looking for sex Henderson".
At time of writing, the link is still there.*
*DELETES INTERNET CACHE*
MEPs are putting more and more formal written questions to topcrats at the European Commission, with the cost of responding to them estimated to be more than 8 million euros this year.
In 2013 MEPs put 13 400 questions to the executive. Last year MEPs were distracted campaigning in the elections, and only scraped a meager 10 800 questions between them.
With one inquisitive type tabling 193 questions already this year, and many others not too far behind, this year the total is estimated to reach some 17 000.
The commission has said that replying to that many questions requires the equivalent of 76 people working full-time.
Per question, that works out at 490 euros per answer.
How do we know this?
It's all laid out in an answer to a written parliamentary question...
490 euros well-spent.
It starts with an uninspiring invitation from the European Commission.
The commissioner in charge - or rather his cabinet member entrusted with his twitter account - then gets prompted into action.
On the Monday morning, two days before the big day, some over-eager young social-media comms lackey gets in on the act.
He says he's excited.
He probably is.
At this stage a number of lobbyists jump the gun, and start tweeting the #AskBertie hashtag WAY too early.
A day later, Frederik is still excited. He and his colleague Piet have been collating inland-waterway statistics for the commissioner. This, they feel, must be brought to everyone's attention.
At this point the assorted twakeholders unleash their unimaginative twobbying.
The swan-huggers make the most of the moment.
Some PR person with a big hotellier client tries to capitalise.
And the swan people have another go with a more emotive line.
The retweets will have been enough (barely, but enough) to bring the Tweetchat to the attention of others in the EU twattosphere.
The better of the two commissioner parody accounts (yes, there's more than one) also tries to crowbar some semblance of humour from the twituation.
And the 'look-I've-got-a-sense-of-humour' ones.
And after it's all over, some freelance social-media 'guru' who can't get a proper job will tweet an 'engagement matrix' graphic for the Tweetchat, purporting to prove something or other.
|When the stable door opens this wide, |
horses will bolt.
EU commission prez Jean-Claude Juncker's German chief of staff Martin Selmayr shows who's boss around here...
He could do his back in if he doesn't rein in the deference a bit.
|Where science fails, |
resort to bunkum.
Witness as Portuguese MEP Paulo* Rangel has a good ol' nasal rummage live on camera in the European Parliament this week, while his colleague bangs on about blah de blah I dunno Syria or something.
Find anything you like Paolo?