French diplomats today responded with an interesting excuse to accusations of fiscal irresponsibility for spending 245,000 euros on the construction of a never-used shower in the Grand Palace : it was art.

[insert 'allo 'allo accent here]

"Of course it was never used. It was never intended to be used. The shower was an artistic not a functional installation. A visual demonstration of Gallic strength, never to submit to the weakness of frequent washing, not like those sappy Americans with their power showers and baths the size of Versailles.


The stench of our armpits is the stench of power. And Sarko is the strongest of all. When Carla hugs him, she has tears in her eyes. Tears of a woman experiencing that 'strength' close at hand. We wanted the world to see him not showering, and cower before us."



"You think only the Czechs can do satirical art? Mais non, monsieur." they added, before flouncing out the room in a cloud of Chanel.



No wonder the Belges call deoderant a 'douche francaise'.

The original work of 'art'.

Bless 'em, they're at it again. The European Commission is misfiring with its celebrity endorsement once more, and has ended up looking like, well, a bunch of middle-aged civil servants.

Which, of course, they are.

They should therefore not be trusted with trying to communicate with 'da yoot'.

It will come as no surprise that in order to "mobilise youth before the UN [climate change] conference in Copenhagen," the EU has enlisted ...

... a group of thirty-something American popstars who peaked ten years ago.

The Backstreet Boys, formed in 1993 and voted number one band in Germany in 1996 (among other accolades), are to give a concert on 7 December in Copenhagen "in front of hundreds of young people" (yes, HUNDREDS), coinciding with the opening day of the United Nations Climate Change Conference.

The intention is to 'raise awareness among young people about the dangers of climate change and the importance of having a European Union response to it in the run up to the UN Climate Change Conference' it says here.



To be be superciliously earnest for a moment, somebody may wish to point out that European young people are likely more than aware already of the issues. It's the middle-aged civil servants, politicians and industry leaders who seem not to be getting the message.

Perhaps they should be shipping in Phil Collins and Chris Rea instead.


Now can someone please fetch a step ladder to help me down. This horse is jolly big.


BM

The EU's troubled draft new treaty is a step closer to coming into effect, with the Irish electorate starting to warm towards the document.

In a referendum today, the Irish delivered Brussels a resounding 'maybe' to the reform treaty, softening from the firm 'no' delivered in the previous plebiscite in June last year.

A solid 40 percent of voters today ticked the 'perhaps' box on their ballot papers: a decisive swing away from the 53.4 percent who said 'feck off' last time round. Outright support remained the same, with 46 percent opting for 'grand, so.'

Jens Smarmo of EU think-tank the European Centre for Chin-Stroking told the 'Monster:

"On the one hand it's still not a yes, which is a disappointment."

"But on the other hand opposition does appear to have dwindled. It may only now need one more referendum, or at a push two, to finally win them over."

EU lawmongers welcomed the result with largely unusable quotes.

They said they would "study" the results "carefully" and that it was "too soon" and "premature" to "enter into a debate" about the "hypotheticals."

Others just quacked and limped away.

Pro-Treaty campaigners - both of them - said the "encouraging display of ambivalence sends a clear message."

That message from the Irish people was interpreted as:

"We're starting to realise it doesn't really matter, and we don't really care, now please stop asking us."