The European Commission has proposed EU member states urgently stockpile reserves of tomato soup and rice pudding, in a bid to counter the mounting flu pandemic.

It also issued harmonised definitions of the illness depending on the severity, ranging from 'a bit of a sniffle' to 'will you stroke my forehead.'

The Heinz tomato soup and Ambrosia rice pudding should only be deployed as a response in individual cases when the illness reaches the critical tipping point of 'I can't cubb to work today.'

In recommendations to the member states, the commission also called for broadcasters to guarantee minimum standards of daytime telly.


  1. @rose22joh // 1:23 PM  

    Good stuff. as someone recovering from swine flu at the moment, can I suggest Berlaymonster uses his influence to suggest a flavour other than tomato soup is stockpiled? As both the flu itself and Tamiflu make you vomit something that stains less easily might be preferable...