Crackpot regimes around the world have been forced into a rethink in their recruitment policies for double agents, after the European Commission publicly rumbled them for placing 'pretty trainees with long legs and blonde hair' within the EU institions.

"Bah!" said one foreign security chief with a comedy generic middle-eastern and/or Russian accent, shaking his fist.

"You may think you have weakened us, but we will return, stronger," he threatened.

"You will not be so lucky next time."

Hostile nations are now expected to turn to short, ugly, mousy candidates for their moles within the institutions.

- In separate news, following the commission's unmasking of existing double agents as attractive young women, it is understood that 70 percent of all assistants in the European Parliament have been taken in for questioning.

The staff offices of most centre-right male MEPs this afternoon were conspicuously empty.


  1. binary101 // 7:23 PM  

    I am Russian spy with long legs and long blond hair under my armpits. Pay is no good so I very much want to join NATO as double agent or be married to a rich western man. Please to let me have telephone number of NATO spy chief. I not tell anyone you give it me, not even your wife.
    Tatiana Zhukovi (known in EU as Hermione Potter)

  2. Daphne Wayne-Bough // 7:55 AM  

    You see, the British conservatives were right to employ their wives all along.