Neelie Kroes harbours Australian in exile

Brussels is left reeling at the discovery that competition commissioner Neelie Kroes has hired an Australian speechwriter by the name of Ryan Heath to prevent repeats of her finest moments.

He certainly has pedigree. Not only is a real heart-throb (see picture) but he's fled his homeland, running scared, after the publication of his book "Please Just F*Off: It's Our Turn Now" in his native Australia.

It's not the first time that Brussels-based authors have written provocatively-titled books, presumably to relieve the boredom of living in Belgium, but whereas Crofts upset a handful of Telegraph readers, Heath seems to have rubbed a whole nation up the wrong way.

Who's he telling to f*** off? The baby boomers, apparently, the bastions of Australian society, industry owners and media moguls. No wonder he's on the run. The book's now out of print, but BM found the following review, which we haven't linked to in order to save the author's blushes:

"Ryan Heath, can you Please Just F*** off? You’re the perfect poster boy for everything that’s wrong with my generation ... " (and it continues in a similar vein).

So thank the good Lord God and Neelie Kroes for sending us this sizzling piece of Antipodean Angst, may we forever keep him safe from the wrath of his compatriots ...

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