The European Commission is considering rewarding its employees with a competitive (subject to review by DG Competition) commission structure for achieving certain targets.

Senior officials will be rewarded for longer meetings, more words per document and most creative use of the English language.

A press release reads "Without continuing regard for functional third-generation policies, the bodies of the institutions of the Community of the European Union, ex-post ante and post-fact, will be unable to be in a position to effectively, or willingly, or non-concommitantly preview a harmonis/zation of synchronis/zed transitional flexibility."

"Points, which mean prizes on the 11th and 17th of every other month (non-consequential and/or notwithstanding prior notification to the relevant authoris/zing authority), will be reasoned to be awarded, once due diligence has been effectuated at a systematic and non-pre-emptive stage of the proceedings, for work achieved in, neither including nor limited to the fields of:
a) extraneous terminology,
b) comitology and its discontents,
c) extension of acceptable non-working hours,
d) over complication of procedures and
e) money for old rope."


Berlaymonster understands that commission payments will be awarded in the form of gifts over the value of 50 euros, previously confiscated from other staff.

Only staff with more than 7 years service and/or three dependents will qualify for the scheme.

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