Parts of the European Commission risk implosion as the vacuum of activity becomes too much to sustain matter, and with it, human existence, a top scientist has warned.

Professor Carlos Hinch, in an advisory report for DG Admin, has said lack of reform has left a number of individual units within the Commission completely incapable of supporting the very fabric of existence.

Top of his list for local-level inward collapse is DG Admin's own D/3 Human resources and internal reform Unit, whose 22 staff could disappear altogether through pathological and vocational torpor.

Those running 'General Aspects of Structural Policy; Enlargement' in the Commission's Fisheries Directorate are thought to be already in an advanced state of material annihilation, while Hinch delivers a similar warning for DG Employment and Social Affairs' Unit on 'Working Conditions, Adaptation to Change.'

The entirety of DG Enterprise and Industry meanwhile is at danger of gradually folding from the inside unless its political leadership can find anything of substance in the post-Lisbon Strategy. Hinch claims that jargon creation alone for the time being is currently staving off oblivion.

His calculations also predict that Margot Wallström will disappear in an existential whisp of smoke around February next year as the sheer lack of any point to her overpowers the structure of her physical manifestation.

Do you have any examples of inactivity within the bowels of the beast? Send them posthaste to berlaymonster AT gmail.com. Anonymity assured.

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