DG Competition has been turning away droves of schoolchildren from across Europe.

The sad youths often leave in tears when they discover that the competition is no fun, there are no winners and, crucially, there are no prizes.

One angry schoolteacher, who was in Brussels with eighty of her pupils last week, said "It's disgusting! The kids have been looking forward to this all year. I'm pulling them all out of the European Union as soon as we get home."

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