Time to award the European Commission's tech-and-telco department another one of these.

Repeat offender DG Connect has published a report on Net Innovation following a meeting of sector experts earlier this year.

It's littered with such jewels as:

  • "Softwarization promises a new infrastructure for Internet-based innovation"
  • "Innovation, and the development of new industries, is about positioning on the confluence of distinct streams of emerging technology"
  • "The Internet of Everything is also the Internet of Everyone ... The ‘Internet by All’, or Allternet, touches all areas of human activity"

Then there's the obligatory:

  • “Sustainability will be a key issue going forward."

and a breathless:

  • "The objective should be to leverage the possibilities of large-scale future internet deployment and big data capabilities to achieve not just smart services but smart systems that are co‐created through the interaction of different service system entities"

But the report takes the BM Jargon Mug Award for this baffling beauty:

    The EU tech-sector's future:
    At worst, mythical.
    At best, a short-lived
    evolutionary mutation?
  • “Thousands of companies need to be created and most of them will fail in order for the unicorns of tomorrow to succeed."

Admittedly the report wasn't written by the DG Connect team itself. No no, it was drafted with the help of an outside consultancy.  So they'll have to share the prize.

The outfit cites its number-one 'key skill set' as "writing accessibly and creatively on science and business issues."

Creative's one way of putting it. Accessible maybe isn't another.


Following further additions to - and omissions from - the Wurstfest that is the new European Commission line-up, here's an update. More to follow as fresh saucisses arrive.


(and no. Dombrovskis is actually that colour.)

They're going to need plenty of it if they're going to disguise the lack of women candidates.

(If you think this is disturbing to look at, imagine what it was like photoshopping it...)